Welcome Home

"What are your upcoming travel plans in the near future?"

"My best friend is getting married insha'Allah in the summer. I can't even imagine missing her wedding!"

"Sidra, it will be beautiful to attend your friend's wedding together."

Broken promises. Joy. Shattered dreams. Hope. Anxiety. Contentment.

"I want to go home."

"Yay! You will be home in two days!"

"No! HOME. As in my apartment."

Claustrophobia. Freedom. Loss. Strength. Loneliness. Family. Fearlessness.

"Have you got married yet?"

"That is a personal question. I choose not to answer it."

"You have not changed. You're still the same feminist."

"Call it feminism or respect for one's privacy. I choose to call it latter."

Put together the frame. Stretch the canvas. Break it down. 

Stretch it again. Gesso it. Paint up. Paint down.

"I am getting treated for cancer. Stomach cancer."

"Are you alone here?"

"I lost my entire family. My daughter, my mother. Allah kareem [while pointing upwards]! Sigh!"

"I will keep you in my prayers."

Perspective. Humility. Gratitude. Istighfar. Home? No. Mosque.

Familiar faces. Shrink and hide. Salah. Shut your eyes. Listen. Focus.
إِنَّهُمْ يَكِيدُونَ كَيْدًا وَأَكِيدُ كَيْدًا

"Verily they are but plotting a plot. And I (too) am planning a plan." [Quran 86: 15-16]

Plethora of emotions. Acceptance. Insight. Submission. Surrender.

"I am planning a plan."

"I am planning a plan."

Hot tears streaking the face. Hands raised high. Forget. Disappear.

Head on the ground. Breathe. Let it out. Sob. It'll be OK.
Prayers for mercy. Prayers of thankfulness. 

Prayers for healing. Prayers to forgive. 

"Ya Allah! Build them a home in paradise."

Forgiveness. Patience. Forbearance. Faith. Tawakkul.

Silence. The last to remain. Look around. Say good-bye.

Make a final prayer. Wipe away the tears. Go! Walk up straight.

"Assalam-o-alaikum! Have a good night!"

"How are you going home?"

"On the train."

"I would have given you a ride but I still have half an hour here."

"JazakAllah khayr. Please don't worry. I will be fine. I do this all the time!"

Exchange smiles of reassurance, of kinship. Exit. 

Inhale the spring fragrance. Soak it in. The rain tingles the skin. The breeze caresses the cheeks.

Look up at the heavens. Admire the beauty of the clouds. 

He is watching. Feel His protection. Feel the love. He has a plan. Trust HIS plan.

Smile. Smile wide. Thank God. 

"He is indeed planning a plan."

Home-bound. Fragile. Handle with care. Welcome aboard. In the air. Touch down.

"Welcome home." 

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