Trading Identities

Last week I gathered the courage to undergo some physical transformations. No, I did not come out of the closet. And no, my bob haircut after a decade of having long hair is certainly not a typical indication of such a change.

I have struggled with body image in the past. I wouldn't deny that I have got rid of it completely but spending four years at the amazing and diverse institution such as Mount Holyoke has definitely helped me gain most of my self-esteem back. To top it off, my friends in Scotland and the US have made me feel so special in their own little ways that I can't be more grateful to God for having the life I have alhamdolillah (all praise to Allah). And of course, the salvation I have gained this past year through Islam is irreplaceable. Blogs such as www.suhaibwebb.com have helped me relate to other fellow Muslims and helped me realize that I am not alone in my struggles because others also undergo similar circumstances like I do (check out some my favorite posts: I'm So Not Worth Anything, Why do people have to leave each other?, and Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise).

The particular change that I underwent this week seems so surreal for a reason. For as long as I can remember, I have actively tried to not smile/laugh with my mouth wide open (not even scream like Sponge Bob). I have a canine in my mouth that is still a milk tooth, while the permanent one is stuck at the top of my jaw and has pushed my upper incisors outwards over time. My buck teeth were my signature look and since the time someone rebuked me as "rabbit-teethed" (and even "ugly") a decade ago, I decided that I will never get braces despite suggestions from friends and relatives that I should do so. I vowed that I would make my mark in this world through my capabilities and not through my looks. After coming to the US and through my friends' perseverance, I gained the confidence to smile freely along with the typical brown-skin pride that I developed during my college career. Unfortunately, this confidence kind of wears off when I go back to Pakistan and hear my friends and cousins complain of their looks, especially on the occasion of a tan (which itself is very occasional as a matter of fact). It hurts when I see that our education hasn't elevated us out of our colonial nightmare, even after all these years. On a side note, all my Pakistani friends need to meet my forever-cool and beautiful African sisters to learn how to feel beautiful 24/7!

Anyhow, some of you know that I knocked out one of my incisors three years ago when I fell down after a fainting spell. Loosing my front tooth was a devastation but I was glad that the dentist temporarily fixed it at that time and let me keep it. He prescribed me to keep it for only five weeks after which it would rot and fall off on its own. I don't know why I took the risk of not getting it fixed after those five weeks but when Allah wants something, even science fails to explain it. Forget five weeks. My tooth lasted in my mouth for three years and three months to be exact, and according to the dentist, it had regenerated which is why it was still intact. SubhanAllah!

Since I was finally moving to the States in hopes of having a long-term plan of finding a job and pursuing graduate studies here, I finally decided to trade my dear tooth with an implant i.e. a fake replacement. It wasn't entirely my choice because it finally had started to move. The past couple of weeks were spent in a lot of agony and pain, and a bloodied mouth, but now that I do have a tooth that is not as protruded and long, I kind of miss my signature. Surprisingly, I miss that toothy smile, a smile I have always been embarrassed to show off. I miss my imperfection because it reminded me that only my Creator deserves perfections and no matter how successful I get, I would still be a lowly creature in comparison to Him. No change occurs without Allah's permission and He must have had some wisdom as to why he chose these particular changes for me at this stage of my life.

After reading a reflection each day without break these past 30 days (the Ramadan Reflections series by Imam Khalid Latif), my babble would be incomplete if I didn't take the time to reflect on what I learned from this experience. Here are a few obvious thoughts:

1. Nothing in this life is permanent
You have to let go of things, people, health, memories and even your own body at one point. Of course the Creator has the wisdom to summarize this phenomenon into perfect words:

"Every soul has to experience the taste of death. We test you with both hardships and blessings. In the end you will all return to Us." [Quran 21:3]

 2. "Truly with hardship comes ease" - Quran 96:6

People compare this life to a roller-coaster ride but the reality is in the opposite. You don't have to suffer a low and then rise above to experience the ease. The hardship and ease are both coupled together and it's only a matter of patience and faith that the same hardship ends up becoming a blessing for you.

"The ease is at the same time as the hardship. This means that nothing in this life is ever all bad (or all good). In every bad situation we’re in, there is always something to be grateful for. With hardship, Allah also gives us the strength and patience to bear it." [Yasmin Mogahed]

The third and the last surgery was the painful of them all. The dentist didn't anesthetize me before starting his wrestling game with my tooth. Upon waves of pain in my bone, he finally decided to give two shots of local anesthesia but I don't think he was aware that I could still feel the scalpel on my gums. While I slithered in pain and actively did dhikr (remembrance of Allah) in my heart, I remembered all those who've had it worse than me. One of the examples that came in my mind at that time was that of Pharaoh's magicians who were ruthlessly executed by the Pharaoh when they declared their faith in Moses' Lord. They chose to bear the temporary pain in exchange of eternal bliss. They were wise to realize that that their hardship was coupled with ease and it was only a matter of time that they'd find their reward with their Real Lord.

"...So I will surely cut off your hands and feet on opposite sides, and I will surely crucify you on the trunks of date-palms, and you shall surely know which of us [I (Pharaoh) or the Lord of Moses (Allah)] can give the severe and more lasting torment." They said: "We prefer you not over what have come to us of the clear signs and to Him (Allah) Who created us. So decree whatever you desire to decree, for you can only decree (regarding) this life of the world...And Allah is better as regards reward in comparison to your reward, and more lasting." [Quran 20:71-73]

3. A difficulty can be a source of alleviation of our sins
I was very sad this Ramadan because I again fell short of the goals I had ascribed for myself in this holy month. I had to skip almost a week's worth of fasts due to my recurrent dental procedures and antibiotic course. Fortunately, a friend helped me understand that worship and repentance do not only take the form of ritual acts but there are also other ways through which Allah swt expiates our sins. Aisha (ra) narrated that the Messenger ﷺ  said,

“No trouble comes to a believer even if it is the pricking of a thorn that it becomes (the means) whereby his sins are effaced or his sins are obliterated.” [Muslim]  

4. You don't truly value what you have until you lose it
It was only when I had trouble biting and had to eat cold, bland and soft food that I realized what a great blessing it is to have a functional mouth. Allah swt took away only ONE tooth from me and that caused me so much trouble. Imagine the multitude of blessings we are drowning in and yet still are ungrateful.

""And He gave you of all that you asked for, and if you count the Blessings of Allah, never will you be able to count them. Indeed, mankind is most unjust and ungrateful." [Quran 14:34]

5. I can't understand how Muslims could ever have body image issues?
After thoroughly exploring the little bit of Islam I have explored through my measly efforts, I have come to realize that a faithful Muslim will never resort to the era of jahiliyyah (ignorance) when standards of beauty were dictated by one's color and race. The Prophet ﷺ liberated us the shackles of such ignorance and even though we quote his last sermon every now and then, we really need to sit down one day and sincerely reflect upon his words:

"All mankind is from Adam and Eve, an Arab has no superiority over a non-Arab nor a non-Arab has any superiority over an Arab; also a white has no superiority over a black, nor a black has any superiority over a white- except by piety and good action." [Prophet Muhammad ﷺ at his last sermon in Makkah]

I truly repent to Allah swt for all those time when I was unable to rescue myself from the claws of inferiority complex and felt that I was any lower than another human being based on superficial aspects. I make dua that may Allah swt give us the ability to race against each other in attaining piety instead of building our base material desires. I make dua that we find refuge in seeking Allah swt's approval on the day of judgment than seeking fake approval from His creation. Ameen.

Last but not the least, I am still struggling with the change but insha'Allah (God willingly), I am sure it's teach me more lessons than the ones it has already taught. And yes, I will try my best to smile and laugh with my mouth wide open even though I am not yet quite used to it. This is my new identity now. Better try it than let go of it!

An E for Effort

When life is not going the way we would like it to go, we can become frustrated and give up on the mercy of Allah swt. Or when our efforts are not accepted by people, we give up on their Creator and start thinking that the Creator does not value our efforts the same way as the creation chooses to pick up on our weaknesses instead of our strengths. What we fail to realize is that Allah swt does not grade us based on accomplishments but He grades us based on our effort.

In times such as now when I feel weathered down by things which I necessarily do not want in my life, I derive my strength from Allah swt who is always there to welcome me with His open arms and from His religion, Islam, which makes me feel special even if my efforts are not realized by this world. It's difficult to convince my loved ones to listen to a lecture/read an article until and unless it's something that I scream myself. Hence, I am going to make a little effort in sharing some words of wisdom that keep me going and what time could be better than the month of Sha'aban to renew our intentions and kick off for Ramadan!

If you look at the report card of a child, in particular of children who are in preK or kindergarten you will notice that they don’t really give students grades. You look at the report card card and there's not even an A, B or C but only an E – E for effort.

However, when we get older, we start getting worried about grades. When we are in school, we worry about which high school we’re going to go to, when we are in high school we worry about college, when we are in college we worry about which graduate school to go to and then in graduate school we worry about our sub-specialty and then we worry about our jobs. It’s an endless list! The time when we were young was a special time when only effort was enough. They would give you a paper which you could color and it didn’t matter if you were inside the line or outside the line - whatever you did, you got an E. You just had to copy the A and you could be as crooked as you could get and they would put a star and give you an E for effort because as long as the student makes an effort, he/she is applauded.

However, when we grow old we create a false competition of As, Bs and Cs, income and test scores etc. amongst us. What we fail to realize is that when we deal with Allah swt the whole story is based on effort as there is no grading.

The IT people have trouble if an outside data set is brought to them because it is difficult for them to work on the interphase of two incompatible sets of data. But it is indeed amazing that Allah swt allows us to interact with Him even though we don’t share a single characteristic with Him e.g. Allah swt never slumbers and we need to sleep and other such characteristics that make us different and dependent on our Creator. But He still allows us to interphase with Himself through bowing down, prostration etc. and the only requirement for that is the state of wudu.

What is wudu? It is a mechanism through which we purify ourselves but the question is that are we really ever free of impurity? There is always impurity in our body: blood is impure and it is flowing in our bodies, even if we get rid of our waste, there’s always some stool and urine in our intestine and bladder. But we only make the effort of making wudu and doing istinja and Allah swt rewards us and allows us to communicate with Him through sujud, ruku`, talaawah, tawaf etc.

Prophet Ibrahim (Abraham) p.b.u.h. was commanded to sacrifice his son, Ismail. He brought his son to the altar and when he was about to sacrifice Ismail p.b.u.h, Allah placed an animal in place of him. Prophet Ibrahim p.b.u.h. was ready and willing to sacrifice his son but he did not have to. The challenge was to sacrifice his son but Allah swt uplifted the difficult circumstance from him and gave him and E for effort.

Another example is of them building the Ka’abah or the House of Allah. If you are going to build a house and the house is going to be for Allah that will last until the day of judgment, you are going to build something grand and elaborate. But in fact what did the father and son build? They just built a simple square box yet Allah swt accepted their effort in such a way that people clamor and cry to get there and once they are there, they forget whatever is happening in the world. And all of this was based on the effort of Prophet Ibrahim and Ismail p.b.u.h.

From day one of Islam we are taught that the reward is based on our intentions: 

From the Commander of the Faithful Abi Hafs ‘Umar Ibn Al Khattab, who said : I heard the Prophet of Allah (Allah bless him and grant him peace) say :

 

“Actions are but by intentions…”

This hadith requires that each person has to looks at him/herself and makes their own effort. To enter jannah there’s no criteria that you have to fit in 99^th percentile but if you are in the 97^th you won’t be able to enter it. It’s only in this world that we get gauged like this but not in the hereafter. If I spend 70 years of worship then I should only get 70 years in jannah but that is not the case because Allah swt says:

وَالَّذِيۡنَ اٰمَنُوۡا وَعَمِلُوا الصّٰلِحٰتِ سَنُدۡخِلُهُمۡ جَنّٰتٍ تَجۡرِىۡ مِنۡ تَحۡتِهَا الۡاَنۡهٰرُ خٰلِدِيۡنَ فِيۡهَاۤ اَبَدًا‌ ؕ

“And as for those who believe and do good works, We shall make them enter Gardens underneath which rivers flow - to dwell therein forever” Quran 4;57

Likewise, the Prophet saws also dealt with his companions in a similar way. He was willing to accept their smallest deeds because he realized their efforts. He told them that one date as sadaqah would be equal to the value of Mount Uhad in gold and when a person who gave one date when they had two or at time when only one, Allah swt accepted their effort and rewarded them with an immense reward.

So what do we learn from all these examples:  

Everyone has to make an effort and we have to understand that our effort will be different than someone else’s effort.  Pleasing Allah is so easy that even if we try to color and miss the page, we will still get the reward. 

The Prophet (S AW.) said: ” Whoever says La ilaha illah Allaah (sincerely) will enter Paradise.” (Reported by Bazzar and declared authentic by Al-Albani in Sahih AI-Jami) 

Hence, it all depends on our individual effort and we should never despair of Allah swt’s mercy. All we have to do is to register for the class and Allah swt counts us amongst those who graduate. But we should make whatever little effort we can to improve ourselves no matter which stage of personal development we all are at.  If it means that you don’t pray, just be conscious of one of those prayers. If it means improving your wudu, then invest some time in correcting it and several such actions that require our attention. 

"Take one step towards me, I will take ten steps towards you. Walk towards me, I will run towards you." [Hadith Qudsi] 

We just have to turn our faces towards Allah and He will give His attention to us. Especially during these blessed days before Ramadan we should sit and reflect that “What can I do in my life?” “What’s the next step that I can take?” 

Just as we expect Allah swt to accept our efforts, we should accept other people’s efforts as well as long as they are sincere. 

Prophet saws was very accepting of his companions. Anas r.a. was the servant of Rasulallah saws for 10 years since he was a child. According to him, the Prophet saws never said to him that why didn’t he something this way or the other although the task of Anas r.a. was assisting the messenger of Allah whose job was to uplift the whole humanity and establish the religion of Allah. If I was serving a person of such a status, I would be constantly making mistakes even though I am adult but Anas r.a. was a child and still the Prophet saws never complained! 

If we accept that Allah will accept our efforts, as long as others have sincerity we should even accept their efforts. In today’s world the fundamental disagreement between parents and children is that either the child did not accept the effort of parents and wanted perfect parents or the parents did not accept the efforts of their children. The same is the case with spouses. When we start having demands then everything falls apart. We forget to think that “Allah is accepting me despite my deficiencies, then why should I not accept others?

Unfortunately we get caught up with our ego and say “I’m fine!” or “Why doesn’t X, Y or Z doesn’t do things like I want to?" It’s Shaytan (satan) that gets us caught into human beings and leads us to complain again and again, “How come this is not perfect?” when in fact we should focus on Allah and ourselves and say, “I am imperfect,” “I am imperfect,” “I am imperfect.”

Rather we should take our ability of making 100 critiques and critique ourselves instead of criticizing others.If we critique this and criticize that, we will only end up making ourselves and those around us bitter. By being judgmental and not accepting of others deficiencies, we create more anger and frustration around ourselves that cause neither us nor others to be happy.

Hence we should make use of these days before Ramadan and make an effort to draw near to our Creator and try hard to accept others’ efforts. Indeed, getting eternal success is sooooooooo simple only if we have the sincere desire to move closer to Allah swt!
“Whoever says La ilaha illah Allah will enter Paradise.”

Most of the article has been transcribed from Shaykh Husain Abdul Sattar's talk called "An E for Effort."

Life as a traveler

Dedicated to all my friends who stood by side in the last three years. 
(Written on May 26th, 2011)

On the authority of Abdullah ibn Umar (May Allah be pleased with them both), he relates that the Prophet (Peace be upon him) once held my shoulders and said:

“Live in this world as (if you are) a wayfarer or a stranger.” And Abdullah ibn Umar (May Allah be pleased with them both) used to say: “If you live till night, then do not wait for the next day (i.e. do not have hopes that you will live to the next day), and if you wake up in the morning do not have hope that you will live till the night. And take (advantage) from your health before your sickness and take advantage of your life before your death (i.e. do every possible obedience in your life before death comes to you for then no deeds can be performed.)” [Bukhari and Tirmidhi]

As Muslims, we hear this hadith many times in our lives but the true wisdom of it may not be understood by us except by those who are the friends of Allah swt and devote their whole lives in the path of Islam or by a traveler. Does being a traveler entitle one to have no attachments to the temporary? Maybe? Unfortunately even though I am a traveler, I tend to do the otherwise and attach myself to certain people when I move about in the world. As soon as I realize that they are really important in my lives, it is time to leave that city/state/country and then I have to start all over again. To a third person the idea may seem as an exciting one but truthfully speaking it is one of the most difficult things I have to do in my life - over and over again.

When I left Karachi on 28th August, 2008, my friends were my everything and I thought each one of us would be friends forever. Three years down the line only the true ones remained whereas the others moved on. Some got closer, some distanced out. Sometimes I wonder whether it was even worth spending my time and energy on some but probably that's what the situation required from me at that time? After two years at Mount Holyoke, then came a summer in Boston. Got reunited with a friend from Pakistan and made new friends. I do not regret getting close to my old and new friends in Boston but saying goodbyes at the end of the summer took an immense emotional toll. It was the second time I shed tears upon departing a city, the first being Karachi of course. I knew I would always be able to come back but the fear of moving away from those who strengthened me everyday made me despondent.

First semester of junior year at college: I never imagined myself getting close to some people but yet I did. Others wondered that how could we get along so well despite our differences but I suppose friendship does not see gender, beliefs or religion. It only connects our hearts and indeed my heart got attached to my friends. Promises were made of staying in touch but upon coming to Glasgow, those promises lost the battle to the academic/work commitments. I understood and moved on assuming that I would be friendless in Glasgow as I was the odd one out in the study abroad batch: the only Muslim, a nondrinker, a non-partier who couldn't afford to travel much outside of Glasgow.

I was wrong. My heart gave in yet again and fresh faces entered my life. I used to scoff at the idea of having your closest friends from those who seek the path of Islam (literally submission to God) and it was the first time in life I understood their true significance. They gave me the strength I hadn't received in a long time. They understood my internal and external struggles and gave solutions that were relevant and helpful. However, it was time to move on again and I was left doubting the promises made even though I have faith that they will not be broken inshaAllah.

Left Glasgow and arrived in Boston. It wasn't until I left Boston again that the nostalgia of the past and the anxiety of the future ten weeks hit me. I am expecting another adventure in Baltimore, Maryland inshaAllah. A new city and a new state. New place, new people. I hope to see some old friends in Maryland too but don't really know what to anticipate. A part of me wants to remain impartial and not depend on new friends but a part of me wants to explore more and be open to new experiences. I wish I could balance the two so that every time I leave a city, it doesn't hurt that much but I suppose this is what life is for me now. The life of a foolish traveler who tries to make an abode for herself inevitably everywhere she goes.

However, time has made me learn an important lesson: people leave me and I leave people but there is One who NEVER leaves my side. Whichever place in the world, whatever the circumstances, Allah is only One who is always by my side and understands every feeling of mine. He never abandons me and is beneficent on me even in times when I have turned away from Him. How grateful may can I be to Him for giving me such amazing friends and family in my life! Alhamdolillah (all praise to Allah)!

In return I pray to Him to grant me the ability to actually live in this world like a real traveler and do whatever good I can do in this short life of mine to make Him happy and fulfill my responsibilities towards His creation so that when my ultimate departure time i.e. death comes, I am not at all nostalgic about this life. Ameen.

Displaced on Jum'uah in Glasgow

After my Photography class at the Glasgow School of Art, I went to hunt down the masjid I had looked up on Google maps. It was closest to the City Center. Got lost a couple of times when I got on the wrong streets and finally when pedestrians were not helpful either, I decided to study the map and find my way around. I knew I was late for jum'uah but still wanted to go ahead because I wanted to benefit from the barakah (blessing) of a masjid. As I moved closer, I saw brothers trickling from a street and knew that I was in the right direction. I was already catching unwanted attention looks because a Muslim woman on a bike did not quite go together. Hence, to avoid more attention, I got off it and walked in the direction of the masjid.

As I stood across from the main entrance, there flood of Muslim men outpoured the masjid but to my astonishment, not a single woman was in sight. I was confused. I went up and asked a middle-aged "uncle" whether there was a place for women in there. He told me there wasn't but he would still go inside to make sure.

I began, "Oh leave it! I don't want to go inside amidst so many brothers anyways..." and before I could finish my sentence, he disappeared in the crowd. I uneasily waited there, wanting to run away since I was the only woman (an odd and misplaced piece of a puzzle not to mention a hijabi with a bicycle) among more than a couple of hundred men.

He returned after a while and apologized that there was no space for me to pray inside. He handed me me a small pieces of paper which said Muslim House 16. He told me it was really close and despite my refusal, convinced me to walk with him to the Muslim House. Apparently it was a musalla at someone's home but when no one answered, he told me about an Islamic school where they had a place for the sisters. I obviously looked very annoyed!

He stopped in his footsteps and turned towards me, and said, "You know a lot of jurists believe that women don't need to have a space for jum'uah?"
"In America almost all masajid have a place for women...."
He looked me in the eye and asked, "Where are you from?"
"Pakistan. But I live in the US."
"Well. A lot of Pakistanis believe that women don't need to be in the masjid for jum'uah."
"I agree that it's not obligatory for women to pray in the masjid but at least they should have the option to pray (especially in the West)."

I was dejected but we both couldn't make ourselves continue the conversation anymore. He was determined to walk me to the Islamic school and while we J-walked the streets like we would have if I was still in Pakistan, I realized I had to stay with him if I wanted to pray dhuhr on time. I followed him along with my bike and we finally arrived to a building that had posters of women plastered at its main entrance. SubhanAllah! It looked more like a beauty parlor from Pakistan and NOT an Islamic school. He walked me through a narrow door that led to a flight of stairs. I locked my bike to one of the railings at the bottom of the staircase and followed him along upstairs.

As soon as I entered the musalla, and the jama'a (congregational prayer) literally ended at that very moment. The sisters and brothers soon vacated the area and while I prayed dhuhr, I could hear the faint humming of a brother's recitation from the men's side.

While I stood up to offer my two sunnahs, a brother walked in and inquired if I was done. I told him I wasn't but would leave if he had to close the place. He shook his head and instead told me that someone outside wanted to see me. I walked outside the prayer space with my arms folded on my chest (my belt strapped top was not really appropriate for a masjid setting) and saw the uncle who had walked me to the school. He handed me a small piece of paper with the address of the school and told me that I was free to come there and pray jum'uah whenever I wanted to. I nodded my head in acknowledgement and as I turned to go back and finish my prayer, I asked him for a copy of the Qur'an. He rushed inside a room and brought me back a copy. He flipped through the pages and asked me if it was one I was comfortable and and without even bothering to look inside, I thanked him and went back to my recluse of prayer.

Once I was finished, I had an unexpected emotional outburst. After I finished reciting Surah Al-Kahf,  I immensely began missing Imam Basyouni's recitation and beat myself for not taking out to hear him over Christmas while I was back in Boston. I recalled the night of  27th of Ramadan when thousands of Muslims sobbed with him while he made the Dua Khatm-al-Quran (prayer upon finishing the Quran) even though 80% of us at the masjid probably not even understand a word. However, ALL OF US, literally ALL OF US sobbed together in unison while Imam Basyouni prayed.

After collecting myself, I packed my stuff and on my way out handed the Quran back to the brother who had first fetched me from the prayer area. He smiled and told me that I should come back again. I told him I appreciated that and while I was about to walk out of the exit, I started fumbling through the leaflets and brochures lying at one of the side tables. Most of them were not interesting but one poster of on the wall particularly caught my my attention. 

It was an excerpt of Shaykh Hamza Yusuf's words about his story of becoming Muslim. To my surprise, I realized that I had actually never dug his journey into Islam. It was inspiration to finally find out that he had first discovered a a lone copy of Quran lying at the bottom of the shelf in a local bookstore. He picked it up thinking that Islam was one religion he knew nothing about and after reading Surah Maryam he entered Islam within a week! His narration of his trip to a Moroccan desert and the woman's dream of seeing a white man with a black turban the night before she met him brought tears to my eyes and I walked out of the masjid in pure awe how God guides people in the most unexpected ways. As I biked back, I had the opportunity to gather my thoughts which I can finally share in the above mentioned context.

I understand that it's recommended for men to pray in the masajid and they have anobligation to pray in them on jum'uah and women don't, but the Muslim community cannot keep its eyes shut from the fact that there are Muslim women who are studying and working along with men. The same way as men have the obligation to establish their five daily prayers, we have the same obligation too. Yes, according to some I am even "sinful" by stepping out of our confinements of my home (I am probably the worst example by being in a foreign country without a mahram) but this is our reality NOW. When Muslim men are OK with studying alongside women in educational institutes or working with them in shared workspaces, then why are they not OK with praying with us at the masajid? They don't have to share the floor with us; a separate space would still be something!

Hailing from Pakistan, a Muslim country, I recognize how tough a job it is for women to make their salah on time if they are outdoors. Men can always walk in a masjid and pray while we women are left at the mercy of random placed like shop basements and pavements with that constant fear of being harassed lurking at them. I appreciate the interpretations of the Hanafi madhab follow some of its fiqh regulations personally, but some ijtihad and ijmaa are desperately needed in our communities ESPECIALLY in the West where our only support system and solid foundations are the Houses of God.

We, the Muslim women, need a share of the Islamic community and the suhba (company) of the righteous too. Maybe you won't understand brothers, but it's actually harder being a Muslim woman in the West than you can probably imagine.

IslamiCity.com - Religion and Science

Found this article interesting and finally realize that I need to stop justifying the Quran under the scientific light as well. Faith, especially the belief in the unseen goes beyond reason and that's the true beauty of it.

IslamiCity.com - Religion and Science

With a little interest I viewed a video of a somewhat celebrated atheist discussing his visit to a Muslim school in the UK. During his trip, he claims to have noticed students quoting verses from the Qur'an which, he says, were scientifically inaccurate. The verses which spoke of two bodies of water that don't mix were clearly misunderstood, and thus misinterpreted. Therefore they were obviously 'scientifically incorrect' to the atheist since he didn't understand them properly in the first place.

Be that as the case may be, it is important to understand that the Muslim does not use science to qualify the Qur'an. Rather it is the Qur'an that is held as the gold standard and is used to qualify the world around him: astronomy, biology, chemistry, even finance and economics.Using science to qualify scripture is by origin a European-American practice where, as the New World was discovered, great effort was made to separate religion from state. Emigrants from the Old World had seen it all: women being burnt alive accused of witchcraft and blasphemy, the Church imposing their Earth-centric view of the universe on everyone, and the persecution of people like Galileo for daring to prove a different solar system. It was no secret that science and Christianity were at odds. But that was Europe.

In the Muslim world there was no conflict between science and religion. Neither the books of Islam nor the teachings of its scholars contradicted invention and technology. As more and more discoveries in science came to light, Qur'anic evidence seemed to support and strengthen them. The Muslim experience with science was one of perfect harmony, and diametrically opposed to that of Christendom's. This congruence, which unlike Europe could find no divide between science and religion, is one reason why there are substantially fewer atheists among educated intellectuals in the Muslim world than there are in Christian nations.

Yusuf Khan resides in the Washington DC area and writes for the Examiner. He speaks frequently at various Islamic centers.

Sunday School Day 4: Why I think being a mother is a full-time job

I recall a conversation I had with a friend over the summer. At the lab there is a technician who repeats the same experiments over and over again, every single day of her life - well, every single day she works. My friend and I were convinced that her job was a career which was not meant for us because we would literally kill ourselves due to the same repetitive nature of the work and its associated monotony. When he joked that if I fail at my career I could be that future technician, I told him that "I'd rather be a housewife than her."

Like other Western men, he believes that women who are stay-at-home moms make a waste of their lives. I chose to disagree with him because I personally feel that it's a huge responsibility to raise kids who are not only intellectually stimulated but are also socially responsible. What I chose to not explain to him was that how for us Muslims we also have the responsibility of raising our kids to be good Muslims and to be successful in the hereafter in addition to being successful in this world. But to speak the truth, I can't even think on those lines right now because I personally feel that being a mother is so taxing. I literally salute all our moms after coming back from Sunday school today.

It was the same regular draining day with a little tweak: lunch did not arrive on time. All the kids started shouting and being uneasy because they wanted food. It was so hard to control them. Not to mention my previous efforts of trying to make my little kids memorize Surah Fatiha. While they waited for food, I lost control of myself during a couple of moments especially when I had to shout at John when he threw an empty juice box across the circle of kids. I regret that because this is the type of attention kids seek, and I sort of gave in. I now realize why my mom shouts at my youngest siblings. Parenting is such a tough job. I wonder if I could be a working mother or not? Or maybe I would need to get out in order to get a dose of sanity. But I lean on the opinion that being a mother is indeed a full-time job. I guess time shall tell me insha'Allah.

I need to study for my psychology exam . Now.

Sunday School Day 2

I have always found little kids very adorable but most of the times I would admire them at a distance. A smile, an eye-contact, but usually I am not physical and don't want to grab them like some of my other friends would. I like to observe them in their own little worlds. However, I put myself at a different position when I volunteered to teach them at the Sunday school at the local mosque in the college area.

I slept after 5:00am in the morning. Waking up in the morning at 9:00 was a pain. Shaytan failed in convincing me that I should not go.  My last week was not very good. It was exhausting to teach 4-5 years olds who don't have a very long concentration span and since the Sunday school is not very organized at the mosque, it was even harder to follow a set track. A bunch of undergraduate and graduate students in the Amherst area volunteer to teach Muslim kids some basic Islamic knowledge which includes memorizing small surahs or chapters from the Qur'an, Arabic and Islamic Studies in which we teach them brief stories about the Prophet Muhammad's p.b.u.h. life. I have not experience such a thing back in my home country and certainly it has been a new learning experience for me too, mashaAllah. Last week when I returned back, I was drained and had made my mind to tell the other sisters that I can't handle the youngest group of kids because they are a huge responsibility and because I am not a mother or have not catered to young kids' except my brother's demands in a long time (my youngest brother was 8 when I left for college and have seen him only once last summer). I am glad that I did not notify the other sisters of my decision because today, alhamdolillah, it was very different.

I have four kids in my group - today only three from last week turned up. All of them are the youngest amongst the 28-30 kids at the Sunday school. Today a new girl joined our group. Her name is Maria and her mom seemed to be a new convert because she wanted to stay back and learn as well. I had a lot of trouble (and embarrassment in front of Maria's mom) when I was teaching the kids Quran because of two reasons. Ahmad, mashaAllah a cutie aged 5, knew too much and was getting bored because other kids were behind; and Malak, a girl who's probably 5 as well would not utter a single word. I felt very annoyed that I couldn't make her feel very comfortable and when I asked Haris, 4, to talk to her and ask her to speak, he responded:
"She's kind of shy which is why she does not say much."

I confess, I slaved through the Quran session until it was time for Arabic and I was glad to see a sister who had just arrived, intervene. I stood up and observed her and to my shock, Malak was speaking to the other sister so fluently and was laughing with her. When the sister asked her to recite Surah Fatiha (she had denied several times when I asked her saying that she didn't know it), she surprised everyone by reciting it in a single go! Children: I guess they are such a mystery.

We had a snack break when the kids ate Oreos and crackers and drank juice. Getting them back to their small groups for Islamic studies was another hassle. Maria left but the rest of my kids were obedient enough and alhamdolillah, Malak, was making small conversation with me now. I told her, "Wow! You are talking to me now," upon which she smiled and shied away.

I chose a book called "A to Z of Akhlaq." Akhlaq stands for manners in Arabic. It was fun but difficult trying to keep the kids engaged. Apparently Haris knew the pictures too well. He would point out at them and tell the story to the other kids while Ahmad lay down on the carpet and respond whenever prompted. Haris and Ahmad were done with the book but Malak wanted to stick with it. It was a cute book with A is for Akhlaq, B is for backbiting, C is for cleanliness etc. etc. When I saw they were getting too restless, we all stood up and jumped until we were exhausted. I know it's a bit odd for a woman to be jumping in the mosque, but well, there's no way around handling kids but physical stimulation. I think we continued until M or N until the imam announced that all kids should make wudu or ablution for the prayer. I wanted to leave but when I heard the adhaan or the call to prayer, according to what I believe - once the adhaan is called, one should pray and then leave the mosque - I decided to stay back and pray. I also helped tidying up the mosque and was amazed at the kids' self discipline who formed lines outside the restroom in order to make wudu. When the prayer time commenced, for first time in my life I prayed in a row consisting of more kids than adults. In the end when I was still sitting after my prayers, Haris came and hugged me and said salam to me because he was leaving. I told him that "K is for keeping promises" and that he should keep his promise that he will bring his notebook next Sunday - he didn't bring it this week. He promised me and ran off.

When the mosque got quiet as the kids left, I realized that alhamdolillah I made the right decision to go today. I had to wait for an hour for the next bus and when I came back to my college I couldn't resist to go for a swim and relax because I was so drained. Swimming was good. The day was good but unfortunately I have not done an atom of work today. It's 10pm almost. Thirteen hours since I have been awake. My work night will begin now after isha prayers insha'Allah and may I be a bit productive. Ameen.

I at least wasted an hour watching my friend's autistic nephew's videos. He is so cute masha'Allah and his mom is one of the strongest women I know. His recent video was him singing Roses are Red. Never heard that song before until now and I guess it really goes well with my experience at the Sunday school:
Khaled singing