Victory in the Face of Loss, Rejection and Humiliation

Often when a door is closed in our faces, ESPECIALLY when we have toiled to attain that goal, it hurts. We are humiliated when faced with rejection, and frustration and disappointment are natural phenomena. The companions of the Messenger of God (peace be upon him) felt the same way on the day of Hudaybia, the day 1,400 Muslims were turned away from Makkah ofter an arduous journey on foot and not allowed to perform the pilgrimage at the Holy Mosque as they had originally intended to.

The journey to Makkah was so difficult that as families, kids and sacrificial animals passed this narrow path of hot burning rocks and thorns for miles, the Prophet (pbuh) gave them the glad tidings, "This for you is like the entering of Children of Israel though the doors of Jerusalem
(referencing the ayah:

And [recall] when We said, "Enter this city and eat from it wherever you will in [ease and] abundance, and enter the gate bowing humbly and say, 'Relieve us of our burdens.' We will [then] forgive your sins for you, and We will increase the doers of good [in goodness and reward]." - Qur'an 2:58)," 

meaning that "If you do this act with humility, God will forgive ALL of your sins.

However, as the Muslims camped out of Makkah, after multiple negotiations, the representative from the Quraysh, Suhail bin Amr came up with the most "ridiculous-seeming" contract for the Muslims that they will return back to Madina that year and if any man was to come escape from Makkah to come to Madina, the Muslims would turn him away. Right at that moment, Sohail's son, Abu Jundal entered upon the Muslims after he had been in the shackles in his father's basement for four years. He had heard the news of the Muslims and managed to escape. When Abu Jundal heard the terms of the treaty, he began wailing and crying saying, "Are you going to return me to the polytheists?"; his gut-wrenching pleas further agitating the Muslims.

The Prophet (pbuh) went to him and consoled him by saying, "يا أبا جندل ، اصبر واحتسب فإن الله عز وجل جاعل لك ولمن معك من المستضعفين فرجا ومخرجاً - Dear Abu Jundal...be patient and content! No doubt, God the Most High and Glorious, has created for you and whoever's with you from the weak ones, a happy ending and an exit (after your hardship)."

Aaah! The disappointment and hardship of being turned away, not to witness the painful handover of a tortured man back to those who oppressed him. Omar (he's my man because he used to think out his thoughts like I do!) lost his mind and came to the face of the Prophet (pbuh) and exclaimed, "ألست نبي الله حقاً Aren't YOU the Prophet really?! ألسنا على الحق وعدونا على الباطل؟ Aren't we on the truth and our enemies on falsehood?"

The Prophet (pbuh) calmly looked at him and said, "No doubt, I AM the Messenger of God." Snaaaaaap!!!

The Messenger of God (pbuh) asked all the pilgrims to take off their ihraams and leave. However. NO. ONE. budged. There was absolute pin-drop silence. This time, not even Abu Bakr, the Prophet's best friend, stood up. Everyone was so upset and this was the only time in the history of the Prophet (pbuh) when his companions did not submit to the usual, "سمعنا و أطعنا We heard and we obeyed."

Our beloved Messenger (pbuh) was so sad. He quietly walked into the tent of his wife, Umm Salamah, who recommended him to sacrifice his animal and shave his head because everyone else would then eventually follow. And so they did. And they began their journey back to Madina.

Omar (may God be pleased with him) finally realized his mistake and kept moving his animal next to the Prophet's (pbuh) ride and asking him, "Dear Messenger of God, may I have a word with you?" And the Prophet (pbuh) didn't even make eye contact him. Omar was so hurt that after the third time he retreated backwards into the caravan and began crying, "Let my mom mourn the loss of her son today" because he was afraid that the Prophet (pbuh) was upset with him and an ayah would come down from God reprimanding him about his behavior.

Then, as the Muslims neared the later part of the journey, the Messenger (pbuh) summoned Omar and man! He was SCARED! Turns out, as he walks towards the Prophet (pbuh), the Messenger (pbuh) was beaming with a big smile. And then he recited the entire Surah Fath to Omar beginning with the following ayah:

إِنَّا فَتَحْنَا لَكَ فَتْحًا مُّبِينًا 

"Indeed We have given you (O Muhammad pbuh) a clear victory." - Qur'an 48:1

Omar and the rest of the Muslims were was dazed! God called THIS victory?! With all the treaty's absurd terms and with the Muslims returning back to their homes? And of course..we all know how this treaty eventually helped the Muslims in the long run.

But man! When I heard that: I had tears in my eyes. How many times doors or rejection and humiliation are shut in our faces and yet we walk away from those closed doors thinking that "God has been unfair to us," or "Why didn't He reward my hard work?"

Perhaps the very loss that we suffered IS the ultimate victory. The very rejection IS the acceptance in the eyes of God. The very silence that we maintain patiently during a calamity IS our eventual salvation, not only in this world, but hopefully in the next too, insha'Allah.

And as the surah concludes, gratitude to God at such instances is not expressed except through prayer. That's why God describes the same companions who had literally almost walked out of the folds of Islam by the following words:

"Muhammad is the Messenger of God; and those with him are stern against those who disbelieve, merciful among themselves. You see them bowing and prostrating [in prayer], seeking bounty from God and [His] pleasure. Their mark is on their faces from the trace of prostration. That is their description in the Torah. And their description in the Gospel is as a plant which produces its offshoots and strengthens them, so they grow firm and stand upon their stalks, delighting the sowers. As a result, it fills the disbelievers with rage at them. God has promised those who believe and do righteous deeds among them forgiveness AND a great reward." - Qur'an 48:29

So don't despair. Victory is just around the corner. :)

Caring for A Sapling

Faith is like water to plants. It is why God uses the example of water/rain reviving the dead earth over and over again in the Qur'an just like how He brings life to a (spiritually) dead heart through faith.

What's interesting is that you have to gradually water a fragile plant with tiny amounts in the beginning because if you inundate/flood it with too much water, it's likely going to be damaged with the overwhelming pressure it has to bear. However, once the same plant turns into a big strong tree, not only does it have the capacity to absorb more water, grow and nourish; it also is now able to benefit others by giving fruits of its own. In the worse case scenario, it also has the ability to become a pillar of its own and withstand outside pressures such as strong winds and floods without causing too much damage to itself.

Similarly, the human heart is the same. If you dump too much water on it in its baby stages of acquiring faith (in God), you might kill it. That's why it took THIRTEEN YEARS of faith-building before God could send down any injunction onto Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessing be upon him) and his companions. He gradually built them and their hearts with gentle spurts of faith and once they had become big and strong trees, they could finally handle the responsibilities and regulations that came along with them being Muslims (literally: those who submit to God).

How patient are we to those around us? How gentle are we to ourselves? Do we give ourselves and others at least thirteen years to grow and nourish before we even come close to being despondent?

Just like the stones that take a while to make space for rivers to pour forth, give yourself and others the time and opportunity to grow. Faith will eventually sink in and perhaps benefit you even more than you could have ever imagined! :)

"...No doubt, there are stones out of which rivers gush forth, and indeed, there are of them (stones) which split so that water flows from them, and indeed, there are of them (stones) which fall down in awe of God..." - Qur'an 2:74

Beet Saplings: Bear Creek Community Church Garden, Irving TX

Reflections from Umrah: Part 1 - Remembering Death

I went for umrah, an optional and "lesser" pilgrimage to Makkah (and Madina), Saudi Arabia, between January 4th and 13th, 2014, with a group of Muslims under the leadership of Imam Suhaib Webb, and Ella Collins Institute. Now that I am back, I will be sharing my reflections with everyone through this series, God willing.

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The day before I left for umrah, I watched a series of YouTube reflections from the two holy mosques, Masjid al-Haram and Masjid al-Nabawi, by two of my favorite Islamic scholars, Shaykh Abdul Nasir Jangda and Brother AbdelRahman Murphy. I primarily wanted to get a taste of what it would be like to be in Makkah and Madina aside from the mental and spiritual preparation for the greatest journey of my life I was about to undertake. Despite the light and encouraging mood of all the videos, one of them caught my attention the most:

Shaykh Abdul Nasir Jangda had done a great job at visually capturing the awe one experiences while going around the Ka'aba in Makkah, especially from the rooftop. From above, one marvels at the breathtaking beauty of the ocean of humanity from all ethnicities and nationalities going round and round around the Ka'aba, never even stopping for a nano-second during the day except during the congregational prayers.

The Ka'aba, as captured by my camera one beautiful morning in Makkah

However, what grabbed my attention to this specific video was the fact narrated by Brother AbdelRahman that at the holy mosques, there was a funeral prayer EVERY single prayer, *five* times a day: not for one dead person but sometimes multiple, including children. Even though I had no trouble accepting this reality since I am sure a lot of people die in every big city of the world, I probably did not understand the magnitude of such an experience until I was physically in Makkah and Madina.

I had not offered a funeral prayer for a long time, maybe months, before I went for umrah. Our community, alhamdulillah, does not have that many funerals to begin with, not to mention that my work schedule doesn't really allow me to join the blessing of praying with the family and community of the dead. The first time I stood and joined a funeral prayer in Madina, I was shaken to the core when I heard the word, الاطفال. I shuddered because in my broken Arabic I had understood that there were at least three kids' dead bodies in the front rows of the mosque upon whom I was praying. It was not only a humbling experience but an intimidating one with the realization that God has given me life beyond childhood1 to acquire the double-edged sword of free will so that I could "choose" how to live my life and what state would I be ready to die and face my Creator.

As Muslims, we are supposed to remember death every single day of our lives because we believe that the life of this world is nothing more than what the Quran eloquently describes it to be:

ٱعْلَمُوٓا۟ أَنَّمَا ٱلْحَيَوٰةُ ٱلدُّنْيَا لَعِبٌ وَلَهْوٌ وَزِينَةٌ وَتَفَاخُرٌۢ بَيْنَكُمْ وَتَكَاثُرٌ فِى ٱلْأَمْوَٰلِ وَٱلْأَوْلَٰدِ ۖ كَمَثَلِ غَيْثٍ أَعْجَبَ ٱلْكُفَّارَ نَبَاتُهُۥ ثُمَّ يَهِيجُ فَتَرَىٰهُ مُصْفَرًّا ثُمَّ يَكُونُ حُطَٰمًا ۖ وَفِى ٱلْءَاخِرَةِ عَذَابٌ شَدِيدٌ وَمَغْفِرَةٌ مِّنَ ٱللَّهِ وَرِضْوَٰنٌ ۚ وَمَا ٱلْحَيَوٰةُ ٱلدُّنْيَآ إِلَّا مَتَٰعُ ٱلْغُرُورِ
"Know that the life of this world is only play and amusement, pomp and mutual boasting among you, and rivalry in respect of wealth and children, as the likeness of vegetation after rain, thereof the growth is pleasing to the tiller; afterwards it dries up and you see it turning yellow; then it becomes straw. But in the Hereafter (there is) a severe torment, and (there is) Forgiveness from God and (His) Good Pleasure, whereas the life of this world is only a deceiving enjoyment." - Quran 57:20

Since there is no denial that "every soul shall taste death (Quran 29:57)", death is an inevitability Muslim or non-Muslim, all submit to. With that being said, death was never as real until I was reminded of it through the funeral prayers, five times a day, in both Makkah and Madina. Out of the eight days I was in the two holy cities, only once did we not have a funeral and to my surprise, it rather seemed bizarre why no one had died within the 2-3 hours' window between the two prayers of that particular day! To be honest, I actually looked forward to praying a funeral prayer after every congregational prayer for the reality check of death, including the selfish reason of earning reward2. It was the latter sadistic realization that brought me back to reality upon which I immediately thanked God that no one had lost a loved one, or someone we prayed upon, within those hours. 

Madina was more powerful when it came to the reminder of death because of the placement of Jannat ul-Baqi', the cemetery right adjacent to Masjid al-Nabawi where almost 20,000 of Prophet Muhammad's family and companions are buried including common folk who die in Madina till this day. Unfortunately, women are not allowed in Baqi' despite the prayer of visiting the graveyards reaching us from the mouth of a woman.3 So, being the rebellious woman that I am, I would often go to one of the corners of Baqi' from where I could peek in, and sometimes, even chase a funeral procession and watch it go down the cemetery until I lost it in the distance. I liked going there in the peace of the night and would hold the bars of Baqi' and stare at the thousands of unmarked graves ahead of me. I would pray that may God make me and my generations like Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and his companions (may God be pleased with all of them), most of who lay ahead of me. At times I would even force myself to imagine myself in a grave with one of my favorite ayahs4 of the Quran playing in my head:

الْمَالُ وَالْبَنُونَ زِينَةُ الْحَيَاةِ الدُّنْيَا ۖ وَالْبَاقِيَاتُ الصَّالِحَاتُ خَيْرٌ عِنْدَ رَبِّكَ ثَوَابًا وَخَيْرٌ أَمَلًا

Wealth and children are [but] adornment of the worldly life. But the enduring good deeds are better to your Lord for reward and better for [one's] hope. - Quran 18:46

Jannat ul-Baqi', Madina

As I prepared to leave Makkah, I was scared. I was scared that once I returned to the States, I would fall back into the heedlessness of life and no longer feel the spiritual high that I felt amidst these sacred places. I felt scared that the daily reminder of death would no longer be as strong once I returned, and as I clamored to fulfill the base desires of my body, I may even put the greater purpose of my life on the side. In this desperation, I ended up recording the audio of the dawn prayer on my last day in Makkah because I wanted to take away a part of the serenity that I felt in these mosques. As soon as I put my phone down for the recording, I broke down into a burst of tears when I realized that God had already answered one of my prayers because the famous Shaykh Sudais, who I had not heard since we came to Makkah, was leading the prayers. 

I wept with him while he led away the prayers. After two weeks of returning from Makkah, I now share the recording with you all in hopes that it intellectually, emotionally and spiritually blows you away like it blew me away:

Quran 75:20-40 - Shaykh Sudais, Makkah
(The translation of the ayahs in the recording above can be found here: http://quran.com/75)

I now understand that what God wanted me to bring back from Makkah was indeed the reminder of death. And that, there is no escape from it. May He take our souls away when we're in a state of submission to Him and may He make the day our souls are reunited with Him the best day of our existence. Ameen.

كَلَّآ إِذَا بَلَغَتِ ٱلتَّرَاقِىَ

Nay, when (the soul) reaches to the collar bone (i.e. up to the throat in its exit), 

وَقِيلَ مَنْ ۜ رَاقٍ

And it will be said: "Who can cure him and save him from death?"

وَظَنَّ أَنَّهُ ٱلْفِرَاقُ

And he (the dying person) will conclude that it was (the time) of departing (death); 

وَٱلْتَفَّتِ ٱلسَّاقُ بِٱلسَّاقِ

And the leg will be joined with another leg (shrouded).

إِلَىٰ رَبِّكَ يَوْمَئِذٍ ٱلْمَسَاقُ

The drive will be, on that Day, to your Lord!

- Quran 75: 26-30

Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un. Surely we belong to God and to Him shall we return.

God willing, stay tuned for Part 2: Benefitting from the Scholars.

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1 In the Islamic faith, we don't believe in original sin. A a child is born "sinless" and retains his/her free ticket to enter Paradise until he/she attains mental and physical maturity. Dying as a child can be a blessing for the child as well as his/her parents because not only does he/she go straight to Paradise, the child can also serve as a means of letting his/her parents into Paradise if they died in a state of servitude to God. 

2 Khabbab reported that he asked "O 'Abdullah Ibn 'Umar! Did you hear what Abu Hurairah says? He says that he heard Allah's Messenger, saying. 'Whoever leaves his house to attend a funeral prayer, offers funeral prayer, and then follows the funeral procession until the body is buried will receive two kerats of reward, each of which is like the mountain of Uhud. And whoever offers the funeral prayer and then leaves for home will get a reward like the mountain of Uhud" (Muslim). Ibn 'Umar sent Khabbab to 'Aishah asking her about the statement of Abu Hurairah. She said, "Abu Hurairah has told the truth." When Ibn ' Umar was informed about this he said, "We have indeed lost many a kerat."

3 One night the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) left his home in the middle of the night without telling his wife, Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her), who lay next to him. Aisha followed him secretly to the graveyard and when he came home, he (peace be upon him said): 

"Gabriel came to me when you saw me. He called me and he concealed it from you. I responded to his call, but I too concealed it from you (for he did not come to you), as you were not fully dressed. I thought that you had gone to sleep, and I did not like to awaken you, fearing that you may be frightened. 

He (Gabriel) said: Your Lord has commanded you to go to the inhabitants of Baqi' (to those lying in the graves) and beg pardon for them. 

I said: Messenger of Allah, how should I pray for them (How should I beg forgiveness for them)? 

He said: Say, 'Peace be upon the inhabitants of this city (graveyard) from among the Believers and the Muslims, and may Allah have mercy on those who have gone ahead of us, and those who come later on, and we shall, God willing, join you.'"

- Sahih Muslim Book 004, Hadith Number 2127

4 Every verse in the Quran is called an "ayah" which can be literally translated to: proofs, evidence, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.

Two Cups of Tea

"The first time you share tea with a Balti [or a Pakistani], you are a stranger. The second time you take tea, you are an honored guest. The third time you share a cup of tea, you become family, and for our family, we are prepared to do anything, even die."

- Haji Ali in Three Cups of Tea: One Man's Mission to Promote Peace ... One School at a Time by Greg Mortenson  

As I sip this cup of tea,

Am I permitted to reminisce 

About our two cups of tea?

Or is that choice taken away from me too

As you took away my cup of tea?

"Would you like to have a cup of tea?"

Yes please, with honey

Not sugar, if you may please.

If it is alright that I may sit with you

While we drink from our cups of tea?

I am making tea.

Anyone wants tea? Only one.

Then why create the fuss 

If we brew only two cups of tea?

Let us slowly savor 

Our two cups of tea.

One bag of tea

Makes two cups of tea.

"Because I like my tea light

And perhaps now, you and your company.

So it is alright that you  may sit with me

While we drink from our cups of tea."

First time. You are a stranger.

Second time. I am an honored guest.

Third time. We are family.

Infinith time? "Sorry, you should leave.

Forget me. Forget even your cup of tea."

And so it shall be.

Two forgotten cups of tea.

Welcome Home

"What are your upcoming travel plans in the near future?"

"My best friend is getting married insha'Allah in the summer. I can't even imagine missing her wedding!"

"Sidra, it will be beautiful to attend your friend's wedding together."

Broken promises. Joy. Shattered dreams. Hope. Anxiety. Contentment.

"I want to go home."

"Yay! You will be home in two days!"

"No! HOME. As in my apartment."

Claustrophobia. Freedom. Loss. Strength. Loneliness. Family. Fearlessness.

"Have you got married yet?"

"That is a personal question. I choose not to answer it."

"You have not changed. You're still the same feminist."

"Call it feminism or respect for one's privacy. I choose to call it latter."

Put together the frame. Stretch the canvas. Break it down. 

Stretch it again. Gesso it. Paint up. Paint down.

"I am getting treated for cancer. Stomach cancer."

"Are you alone here?"

"I lost my entire family. My daughter, my mother. Allah kareem [while pointing upwards]! Sigh!"

"I will keep you in my prayers."

Perspective. Humility. Gratitude. Istighfar. Home? No. Mosque.

Familiar faces. Shrink and hide. Salah. Shut your eyes. Listen. Focus.
إِنَّهُمْ يَكِيدُونَ كَيْدًا وَأَكِيدُ كَيْدًا

"Verily they are but plotting a plot. And I (too) am planning a plan." [Quran 86: 15-16]

Plethora of emotions. Acceptance. Insight. Submission. Surrender.

"I am planning a plan."

"I am planning a plan."

Hot tears streaking the face. Hands raised high. Forget. Disappear.

Head on the ground. Breathe. Let it out. Sob. It'll be OK.
Prayers for mercy. Prayers of thankfulness. 

Prayers for healing. Prayers to forgive. 

"Ya Allah! Build them a home in paradise."

Forgiveness. Patience. Forbearance. Faith. Tawakkul.

Silence. The last to remain. Look around. Say good-bye.

Make a final prayer. Wipe away the tears. Go! Walk up straight.

"Assalam-o-alaikum! Have a good night!"

"How are you going home?"

"On the train."

"I would have given you a ride but I still have half an hour here."

"JazakAllah khayr. Please don't worry. I will be fine. I do this all the time!"

Exchange smiles of reassurance, of kinship. Exit. 

Inhale the spring fragrance. Soak it in. The rain tingles the skin. The breeze caresses the cheeks.

Look up at the heavens. Admire the beauty of the clouds. 

He is watching. Feel His protection. Feel the love. He has a plan. Trust HIS plan.

Smile. Smile wide. Thank God. 

"He is indeed planning a plan."

Home-bound. Fragile. Handle with care. Welcome aboard. In the air. Touch down.

"Welcome home." 

http://themellowjihadi.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/Clifton-Beach-in-Karachi-Pakistan.jpg

Let go

Go out tonight

And let the full moon wash away all your sorrows. 

Let the coolness of the ocean bathe your soul 

And the spring air energize your core. 

Let go.

Let go to feel and breathe

The ultimate climax of freedom.

Castle Island, MA

Observing the Sunset

Watching the sunset is one of those priceless moments of life that I have now learned to appreciate more than ever. There is beauty in solitude and tranquility in nature. Amidst all that noise in the outer world, the more you look internally, the more you're surprised by the peace within. No wonder the Prophet pbuh spent days in the Cave of Hira. Imagine walking up and down at the mountain and watching sunrises and sunsets everyday, the orange light of the sun peaking at you in the cave, embracing you, warming you....and giving you hope! :)

SubhanAllah (Glory to God)!

"And from among His signs are the night and the day, and the sun and the moon..." -- Quran 41:37

Gratitude to My Parents

I was recently asked, "How was your parents' marriage?"

My response: "The best I have ever seen masha'Allah."

Today marks my parents' 25th wedding anniversary - a marriage based on true love, sincerity, loyalty, and respect. I am one of the luckiest people in the world to be raised by parents who taught me what it means to give unconditional love to one another even if you are polar opposites apart -- my mother is very outspoken and social like me whereas my father's the complete opposite: very private, reserved and often at times, quiet. They taught me the true meaning of "commitment" and showed me what it takes to make a marriage successful despite the multiple storms that try to knock it down.

Thank you Pappa, for being the best father and husband in the world. Thank you for battling for my mother and for marrying her despite all the resistance you and Mamma faced before marriage. Thank you for looking at her with the same love in your eyes that you had for her when you first married her. Thank you for being a real man and not giving in to the expectations of our society that expects men to be authoritative and hard especially towards their womenfolk. 

Thank you for being a friend, the only friend who understood me completely especially during these past few months when no one but you could feel my pain. Thank you for all those intimate conversations that are not typical father-daughter conversations and thank you for all your duas. Thank you for believing in me and for supporting me through my dreams when the whole world, including myself doubted me. Thank you for being the first love of my life. I am sure you're always going to be the first and the last!

Thank you Mamma, for taking all those blows and bruises for my father, for fighting for him before and after marriage especially as a woman in our society. Thank you for raising a strong daughter and fighter like yourself. Thank you for making all those sacrifices you have made for us and our father. Thank you for running the home so well as a single mother whose husband and oldest daughter left the country when real challenges entered our family life. Thank you for loving me and checking on me every single day of my life. Thank you for being one of my best friends with whom I can share anything in life - even details that I would hesitate to share with my closest friends. 

Thank you, both of you, for being an inspiration to all of us. Bhai, Farah, Hamza and I are indeed the luckiest to have you both as our parents. May Allah swt reunite us as a family with aafiyah in this world and the hereafter. Ameen.

Happy wedding anniversary! I love you!

Reconnecting with Two Long-forgotten Friends

"I drank the silence of God from a spring in the woods." -- Georg Trakl

The woods swayed around me. No longer quiet but loud. Not calm but raging. As if...they were angry. They were angry because I had forgotten their mother, Nature. I had forgotten them and their best friend, Silence. I stood amid their magnificence as the wind howled against us. Staring onto the horizon, holding on tightly to my mug of hibiscus tea. Head bowed, tears streaming down my face.

Defeated. Yet accomplished. Weak. Yet so strong.

I whispered meekly, "I am sorry."

Nature spoke, "God and I were there for you when you had no one. We embraced you all those times when you treaded over the fallen leaves in the woods, laid down at the river bank, gazed the full moon, and fell asleep on a pillow of flowers under the shade of the spring sun. We comforted your heart and supplied you serenity. How dare you replace us with (false) Attachment?"

I opened my mouth to say something but then shut it instantaneously. I really had nothing to offer in defense.

Silence broke its long-maintained silence, "I was your most favorite companion. Every single day of your life we both held hands together, especially in the dark hours when others are in bed. How could you forget those solitary walks under the night sky and the bike rides at sunrise when we'd be interfered by none? Am I not one of the major reasons why you want to live on a farm - away from the clutter and commotion of a city? How unfortunate that you even forgot to mention my importance in your life to Attachment?!"

I responded dejectedly, "I guess I got carried away when it entered my life. I wanted to converse and spend time with it so much so that I never realized when I started worshiping it. Sadly, that's how I lost you on the way, dear Silence. By God, it was never my intention to let you go. Sigh! He has indeed brought me down to my knees so that I can be reunited with Him and you. God has left me with no choice but to embrace you and Nature back in my life. I wish we didn't have to reconcile this way but I didn't wish for so many things either."

And that's when it hit me that today, it was indeed over. Today was the day to commemorate the parting. My shoulders sagged and fresh hot tears began to swell in my eyes.

It was at this particular moment that God interjected my bleak thoughts:
"Your Lord has neither forsaken you nor hated you. And indeed the Hereafter is better for you than the present (life of this world). And verily, your Lord will give you (all that is good) so that you shall be well-pleased." - Quran 93:3-5

The gold and silver linings of the clouds glowed brighter. The woods humbled and Silence regained its composure. Finally, a smile broke across my lips.

I said to Nature and Silence, "See guys! He doesn't hate me and I guess this is not the end. I know it seems like it, but it's really not! This day shall mark a new beginning for us, a new journey, a new love story. We won't let (false) Attachment ever destroy our relationship. I promise. There's hope. There's light. And most importantly: there is sincerity with the self and Allah swt.

رضيت بالله رباً، وبالإسلام ديناً، وبمحمد صلى الله عليه وسلم نبيا
I am content with Allah as my Lord, Islam as my religion and Muhammad (peace be upon him) as my messenger.

The whole world can leave me but as long as I am able to hold on to my Allah, my Islam, and my messenger, I am good. We all are good. As a matter of fact, that's all we need in life, don't we?"

Upon hearing this, Nature and Silence both smiled in agreement. Without saying a word, we all understood that there is a reason why God created us as a trio.

I bid farewell to the woods and steadily walked towards the bus. It was time to return to Boston. Better and stronger.

It was time to finally let go.

------------------------

On the weekend of February 15h-17th I was blessed to be part of the MAS Boston Winter Retreat that took place in the beautiful Berkshires, MA. As one of the main leaders, I was not obligated to stick to a group, and hence ended up stealing quiet moments here and there to have multiple conversations like the one above with God, Nature and Silence. Instead of socializing with friends, some that I actually looked forward to seeing after a long time, I chose to either sip a cup of tea all by myself in the dining hall or squeeze in a moment with the woods. The greatest celebration of my reunion with Nature and Silence took place during the times when I made my late night rounds from one lodge to another in efforts to ensure that the sisters were all set. It was during those solitary moments that I would sing Dawud Wharnsby's Lullaby out loud and find comfort in the fact that I was the only one outdoors in those wee hours of the night when no one except God could hear or see me. 

I am glad that I was part of the retreat, I am glad for meeting and working with the lovely people I got to know because of the retreat, I am glad that God chose me for the leadership position, and I am glad that other things in life eventually happened the way they happened. Were it not for the darkest hour of the night, we would never appreciate the break of dawn. Indeed it is the break of dawn that leads to a new day and a new beginning. Alhamdulillah ala kulli Haal (all praise to Allah under any and all circumstances)! I can't be more blessed!

And I make Umm Salamah's dua

Umm Salamah (may Allah be pleased with her) reported, "I heard the messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) saying, 'When a person suffers from a calamity and utters: 'inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un. Allahumma ajarni fi musibati, wakhluf li khayran minha (we belong to Allah and to Him we shall return. O Allah compensate me in my affliction, recompense my loss and give me something better in exchange for it), then Allah surely compensates him with reward and better substitute."

Umm Salamah (ra) said, "When Abu Salamah (ra) died, I repeated the same supplication as the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) had commanded me (to do), so Allah bestowed me a better substitute than him." 

-- Muslim

The clouds will clear

There is a void in the heart that is hard to fill

There is wound in the chest that is difficult to heal.

This pain will end

And these eyes will smile.

The darkest clouds will clear

And the brightest of the days will appear.

Uncertainty

We came back

To where we started from.

Back to square one.

With no direction,

No companionship,

No ambition.

Alone, lost, confused
And broken.
In million pieces.
Where are the pieces?
Do you have them?
Or did we lose them on our way?

Where are the promises?

Did we forget them too?
Or are they safe somewhere
Locked up in a safe?
Ready to be opened
And unfolded.

Hey! I see a tiny sliver of hope

To guide us through this darkness.
Do you see it too?
Oh, my! Your eyes are closed.
Wake up! It's not time to sleep yet!
We still have such a long way yet to go.

Layers upon layers
Of darkness upon darkness.
I realize it is bleak and scary
But please hold my hand.
I know faith is hard to come by,
Especially, when there is... no real sign of light.

Just follow me along,
I'm sure we can discover the sunrise together.
Yunus (as) did it too,
But only after being stranded in the darkness
And going through what he went through.

Ayub, Ibrahim, Yusuf, Musa, and Zakariya (as),
And our very own beloved Muhammad (pbuh).
All had their shares of darkness,
So what if we have one too?
Keep walking and keep following along
Insha'Allah we'll find our light too.

The Beautiful Journey to My New Home

Sunset at the Charles River

Boston holds a lot of nostalgia for me because there were some not-so-good hallmarks of my life that took place in this city two years ago. There are places and people here who trigger an anxiety attack in me but necessarily have no connection to the life-changing events of my life. Indeed, it's not their inherent fault but something I attribute solely to myself. Thus, it took an immense level of strength to return with the intention of settling here but inshaAllah (God willingly), I can already foresee that this decision will not end up with regrets.

I came to the United States two months ago like many others in hopes of getting a green card so that I can start my life, pay off my loans and give back to my parents who have worked day and night to bring me where I am. However, the past couple of months were nothing like the glorious "American dream" some of my relatives and friends back in Pakistan perceive me to be living. It was the ultimate test of my patience and faith. A relative told me a few weeks ago and I paraphrase:
"No one forced you to make such a choice. What you're going through now are the repercussions of your own decisions that you took four years ago."

Alas! This isn't the first time I have heard that from a loved one but I don't think I need to explain my reasons to anyone. I already gave my best shot in the summer when a question upon question was hurled to my family about our back and forth travel to America especially when my father has been in and out of jobs and claims to not be in the financial position to move out of our family home. My word bank is out of words for such explanations and it's only God I hold on to for helping me and my family stand strong during these times of high tide.

I stayed in Hartford, CT, for over more than a month at one of my mom's friends' home. She and her husband are a quiet couple who have their own way of life - a life which was obviously disturbed when I moved in. I could be entirely wrong because my emotions could be a manifestation of my own mental state but after a while I could feel the signs of my physical and financial burden on them. Weekly trips to Boston for interviews gave me the necessary breaks but were not enough to alleviate my discomfort until a point that I decided to move out.

I traveled to my college campus in hopes of finding refuge, but alas! That in itself was another poor decision. I wouldn't deny that my friends were really hospitable and a couple of them gave me such a warm reception that I couldn't believe my eyes that how could a person like me receive so much love? But....I guess I made the mistake of not realizing that I no longer belonged there. That I had *graduated* and was no longer a student there. Everyone was busy in their own thing while I was that stranger in the foreign land. Only an unwanted stranger. Hence, time and time again of getting locked out and hearing refusals of "I'm sorry, but I have a lot of work to do," left me in a greater state of frustration and loneliness than I was before.

As I packed my bags to move again, this time to Boston, I just sat on them in silence, not wanting to travel again. In theory I knew that a Muslim never loses hope but in practice I was failing terribly. As one of my closest friends entered the room to help, I told her, "I don't want to go! I am done. I give up."

It's instances like these when real friends come in the picture. They remind you of God's countless blessings and give us a hand to lift us from the lowest pits of our sorrow. Since she and I had attended the Quranic Supplications course together, her mere presence reminded me of the incident of Taif when Prophet Muhammad pbuh knew that no one else other than his original forty companions were going to believe in him in his hometown of Makkah. So he went to the valley of Taif to seek those who could support him but instead was ridiculed and chased out of the city with stones. He bled so much that the soles of his feet were stuck to his shoes due to the clotted blood. On his way back from Taif with tears and blood running down his face, he fell into a ditch and did not want to get out of it. In this misery, he lifted his hands high above his head and exclaimed: 

"O Allah! I complain to You of my weakness, my scarcity of resources and the humiliation I have been subjected to by the people. O Most Merciful of those who are merciful. O Lord of the weak and my Lord too. To whom have you entrusted me?

To a distant person who receives me with hostility? Or to an enemy to whom you have granted authority over my affair? So long as You are not angry with me, I do not care. Your favor is of a more expansive relief to me. I seek refuge in the light of Your Face by which all darkness is dispelled and every affair of this world and the next is set right, lest Your anger or Your displeasure descends upon me. I desire Your pleasure and satisfaction until You are pleased. There is no power and no might except by You."

Wasn't that powerful?! I had tears in my eyes while writing it down because his emotions were my emotions as I departed Mount Holyoke. I knew that I could NEVER be in his shoes but since I am not a prophet like him, I can only strive to emulate him and can never have the level of patience, forbearance and gratitude he possessed.

I came to Boston with an open mind and with the intention of seeking internal peace through prayer and reflection, especially now that Imam William Suhaib Webb was back from his Malaysia tour. It was after the Friday prayer that I realized that Allah's help was near. Not only did I qualify for the second interview of a job I really wanted but a now-close-friend's mom offered me to stay at their home while I searched for jobs. I hesitated to take her offer but as I was driven out by the roommate of a friend whose apartment I stayed for a couple of nights after arriving in Boston, I realized that there if there are bad people in this world, they're also good people. If some of us are the Quraysh of Makkah, then some of us are the Ansaar (helpers) of Madina who embraced the immigrants from Makkah with open arms and gave them a place in their homes as if they were related by blood.

My mom's friend in Hartford would advise me, "Maybe you should start looking for opportunities outside of Boston." What she didn't know was that I am in dire need of its Muslim community, primarily of their religious guide i.e. Imam Webb. He is the reason why I took so much pain to move here and be near the ISBCC, despite the nostalgia associated with this city. Not that the mosque he presides over is any different than it was before, but the atmosphere is now different. The people are different. They are diverse. They are creatively and intellectually engaged. They are empowered. Young people especially women run the mosque and most of all, there are opportunities for people like me to learn. To learn more about this beautiful religion that has changed millions of lives since its birth. To learn about my rights as a woman so that no man can ever oppress me in the name of religion. Here I have opportunities to question in a judgment-free zone. Where I am told that I should not be ashamed of asking questions and that there is no stupid question because every question yields an answer. On a side note, I think he's a lot of fun too and that's why the youth are attracted to be around him. E.g. thanks to him and Shaykh Abdul Nasir Jangda, I am finally aware of American football. Dude! That's an achievement now!

A friend told me to not attach so much value to an individual and she is completely right. Even in his own words Imam Webb asked us to "attach ourselves to the message, not the messenger (unless he is the Prophet or one of those qualified to be emulated, which I'm not.)" The point isn't the attachment. The point is the intellectual and spiritual guidance. I still can't forget the day two years ago when a dear non-Muslim friend visited the ISBCC and unfortunately wasn't provided the answers he was looking for. Once he finished reading a book given to him by the store-owner of the mosque, someone definitely not qualified to handle a scientist from Harvard, he declared, "Truthfully speaking, Sidra, I am disappointed!"

I know a Muslim should not think of the "what ifs" but what if Imam Webb was there? Would both of us actually have been better catered? Would the first impression be the last impression for many of those who try to reach out but then return empty-handed? Imam Webb is only an individual but with his vision at Ella Collins Institute, I am sure that some of us will be able to inshaAllah empower ourselves like generations that followed after Prophet Muhammad pbuh. Those people were scientists and Muslims (e.g. Ibn Sina - more commonly known as Avicenna), philosophers and Muslims (e.g. Imam Al-Ghazali) mathematicians and Muslims (e.g. al-Khwarizmi, the father of algebra) and on and on and on. So the question is: What holds us back in excelling in our respective fields along with excellence in Islam? Why do science and the church always have to be at a war and why does religion have to be another "social construct?"

In short, this is why I have moved here so that I can be empowered to be a great human being along with being able to answer all these difficult questions that today's youth struggles to answer. Alhamdolillah (all praise to God), my housing and other logistics are still not sorted out but time and time again I remind myself that I am here for a greater good and insha'Allah my Sustainer will provide for me even if my limited perception cannot foresee it now. SubhanAllah, my nomadic life has taught me extreme humility and has helped me comprehend the true essence of the the Prophet's words:

"Be in this world like a traveler."

It has helped me realize that I may think that my problems are the greatest, but there were and are people out there who have it worse. Even in this world, you only get what your reap. You study hard, you pass. You don't, you fail. As as my thesis advisor warned me before my thesis defense, "Remember, the best of the students always get a tough time from us. We just want to test you how good you are!"

Similarly, no one gets a free ride to paradise either. Allah says in the Quran:

"Or think you that you will enter Paradise without such (trials) as came to those who passed away before you? They were afflicted with severe poverty and ailments and were so shaken that even the Messenger and those who believed along with him said, "When (will come) the Help of Allah?" Yes! Certainly, the Help of Allah is near!" - Quran 2:214

That gives me a perspective that even if the chosen men i.e. messengers of God had to cry, "When will the help of Allah come?" then indeed, I need to tell myself too, "Yes! Certainly, the Help of Allah is near!"

And just like that, I conclude my post for tonight. I have been doing some great stuff in Boston: making new friends, have met inspiring Muslim artists, went to a synagogue to attend an interfaith political action, and most importantly have been taking classes at the Ella Collins Institute. All those adventures deserve another post but for now, I request everyone to make duas for my friend and her family who have been so generous and hospitable to host me. May Allah swt make things easy for them and give them expanse in this world and the hereafter. May Allah swt reward their family with a beautiful home in paradise and may He give us all the company of the righteous in this life as well as the life after. Ameen.

Trading Identities

Last week I gathered the courage to undergo some physical transformations. No, I did not come out of the closet. And no, my bob haircut after a decade of having long hair is certainly not a typical indication of such a change.

I have struggled with body image in the past. I wouldn't deny that I have got rid of it completely but spending four years at the amazing and diverse institution such as Mount Holyoke has definitely helped me gain most of my self-esteem back. To top it off, my friends in Scotland and the US have made me feel so special in their own little ways that I can't be more grateful to God for having the life I have alhamdolillah (all praise to Allah). And of course, the salvation I have gained this past year through Islam is irreplaceable. Blogs such as www.suhaibwebb.com have helped me relate to other fellow Muslims and helped me realize that I am not alone in my struggles because others also undergo similar circumstances like I do (check out some my favorite posts: I'm So Not Worth Anything, Why do people have to leave each other?, and Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise).

The particular change that I underwent this week seems so surreal for a reason. For as long as I can remember, I have actively tried to not smile/laugh with my mouth wide open (not even scream like Sponge Bob). I have a canine in my mouth that is still a milk tooth, while the permanent one is stuck at the top of my jaw and has pushed my upper incisors outwards over time. My buck teeth were my signature look and since the time someone rebuked me as "rabbit-teethed" (and even "ugly") a decade ago, I decided that I will never get braces despite suggestions from friends and relatives that I should do so. I vowed that I would make my mark in this world through my capabilities and not through my looks. After coming to the US and through my friends' perseverance, I gained the confidence to smile freely along with the typical brown-skin pride that I developed during my college career. Unfortunately, this confidence kind of wears off when I go back to Pakistan and hear my friends and cousins complain of their looks, especially on the occasion of a tan (which itself is very occasional as a matter of fact). It hurts when I see that our education hasn't elevated us out of our colonial nightmare, even after all these years. On a side note, all my Pakistani friends need to meet my forever-cool and beautiful African sisters to learn how to feel beautiful 24/7!

Anyhow, some of you know that I knocked out one of my incisors three years ago when I fell down after a fainting spell. Loosing my front tooth was a devastation but I was glad that the dentist temporarily fixed it at that time and let me keep it. He prescribed me to keep it for only five weeks after which it would rot and fall off on its own. I don't know why I took the risk of not getting it fixed after those five weeks but when Allah wants something, even science fails to explain it. Forget five weeks. My tooth lasted in my mouth for three years and three months to be exact, and according to the dentist, it had regenerated which is why it was still intact. SubhanAllah!

Since I was finally moving to the States in hopes of having a long-term plan of finding a job and pursuing graduate studies here, I finally decided to trade my dear tooth with an implant i.e. a fake replacement. It wasn't entirely my choice because it finally had started to move. The past couple of weeks were spent in a lot of agony and pain, and a bloodied mouth, but now that I do have a tooth that is not as protruded and long, I kind of miss my signature. Surprisingly, I miss that toothy smile, a smile I have always been embarrassed to show off. I miss my imperfection because it reminded me that only my Creator deserves perfections and no matter how successful I get, I would still be a lowly creature in comparison to Him. No change occurs without Allah's permission and He must have had some wisdom as to why he chose these particular changes for me at this stage of my life.

After reading a reflection each day without break these past 30 days (the Ramadan Reflections series by Imam Khalid Latif), my babble would be incomplete if I didn't take the time to reflect on what I learned from this experience. Here are a few obvious thoughts:

1. Nothing in this life is permanent
You have to let go of things, people, health, memories and even your own body at one point. Of course the Creator has the wisdom to summarize this phenomenon into perfect words:

"Every soul has to experience the taste of death. We test you with both hardships and blessings. In the end you will all return to Us." [Quran 21:3]

 2. "Truly with hardship comes ease" - Quran 96:6

People compare this life to a roller-coaster ride but the reality is in the opposite. You don't have to suffer a low and then rise above to experience the ease. The hardship and ease are both coupled together and it's only a matter of patience and faith that the same hardship ends up becoming a blessing for you.

"The ease is at the same time as the hardship. This means that nothing in this life is ever all bad (or all good). In every bad situation we’re in, there is always something to be grateful for. With hardship, Allah also gives us the strength and patience to bear it." [Yasmin Mogahed]

The third and the last surgery was the painful of them all. The dentist didn't anesthetize me before starting his wrestling game with my tooth. Upon waves of pain in my bone, he finally decided to give two shots of local anesthesia but I don't think he was aware that I could still feel the scalpel on my gums. While I slithered in pain and actively did dhikr (remembrance of Allah) in my heart, I remembered all those who've had it worse than me. One of the examples that came in my mind at that time was that of Pharaoh's magicians who were ruthlessly executed by the Pharaoh when they declared their faith in Moses' Lord. They chose to bear the temporary pain in exchange of eternal bliss. They were wise to realize that that their hardship was coupled with ease and it was only a matter of time that they'd find their reward with their Real Lord.

"...So I will surely cut off your hands and feet on opposite sides, and I will surely crucify you on the trunks of date-palms, and you shall surely know which of us [I (Pharaoh) or the Lord of Moses (Allah)] can give the severe and more lasting torment." They said: "We prefer you not over what have come to us of the clear signs and to Him (Allah) Who created us. So decree whatever you desire to decree, for you can only decree (regarding) this life of the world...And Allah is better as regards reward in comparison to your reward, and more lasting." [Quran 20:71-73]

3. A difficulty can be a source of alleviation of our sins
I was very sad this Ramadan because I again fell short of the goals I had ascribed for myself in this holy month. I had to skip almost a week's worth of fasts due to my recurrent dental procedures and antibiotic course. Fortunately, a friend helped me understand that worship and repentance do not only take the form of ritual acts but there are also other ways through which Allah swt expiates our sins. Aisha (ra) narrated that the Messenger ﷺ  said,

“No trouble comes to a believer even if it is the pricking of a thorn that it becomes (the means) whereby his sins are effaced or his sins are obliterated.” [Muslim]  

4. You don't truly value what you have until you lose it
It was only when I had trouble biting and had to eat cold, bland and soft food that I realized what a great blessing it is to have a functional mouth. Allah swt took away only ONE tooth from me and that caused me so much trouble. Imagine the multitude of blessings we are drowning in and yet still are ungrateful.

""And He gave you of all that you asked for, and if you count the Blessings of Allah, never will you be able to count them. Indeed, mankind is most unjust and ungrateful." [Quran 14:34]

5. I can't understand how Muslims could ever have body image issues?
After thoroughly exploring the little bit of Islam I have explored through my measly efforts, I have come to realize that a faithful Muslim will never resort to the era of jahiliyyah (ignorance) when standards of beauty were dictated by one's color and race. The Prophet ﷺ liberated us the shackles of such ignorance and even though we quote his last sermon every now and then, we really need to sit down one day and sincerely reflect upon his words:

"All mankind is from Adam and Eve, an Arab has no superiority over a non-Arab nor a non-Arab has any superiority over an Arab; also a white has no superiority over a black, nor a black has any superiority over a white- except by piety and good action." [Prophet Muhammad ﷺ at his last sermon in Makkah]

I truly repent to Allah swt for all those time when I was unable to rescue myself from the claws of inferiority complex and felt that I was any lower than another human being based on superficial aspects. I make dua that may Allah swt give us the ability to race against each other in attaining piety instead of building our base material desires. I make dua that we find refuge in seeking Allah swt's approval on the day of judgment than seeking fake approval from His creation. Ameen.

Last but not the least, I am still struggling with the change but insha'Allah (God willingly), I am sure it's teach me more lessons than the ones it has already taught. And yes, I will try my best to smile and laugh with my mouth wide open even though I am not yet quite used to it. This is my new identity now. Better try it than let go of it!

An E for Effort

When life is not going the way we would like it to go, we can become frustrated and give up on the mercy of Allah swt. Or when our efforts are not accepted by people, we give up on their Creator and start thinking that the Creator does not value our efforts the same way as the creation chooses to pick up on our weaknesses instead of our strengths. What we fail to realize is that Allah swt does not grade us based on accomplishments but He grades us based on our effort.

In times such as now when I feel weathered down by things which I necessarily do not want in my life, I derive my strength from Allah swt who is always there to welcome me with His open arms and from His religion, Islam, which makes me feel special even if my efforts are not realized by this world. It's difficult to convince my loved ones to listen to a lecture/read an article until and unless it's something that I scream myself. Hence, I am going to make a little effort in sharing some words of wisdom that keep me going and what time could be better than the month of Sha'aban to renew our intentions and kick off for Ramadan!

If you look at the report card of a child, in particular of children who are in preK or kindergarten you will notice that they don’t really give students grades. You look at the report card card and there's not even an A, B or C but only an E – E for effort.

However, when we get older, we start getting worried about grades. When we are in school, we worry about which high school we’re going to go to, when we are in high school we worry about college, when we are in college we worry about which graduate school to go to and then in graduate school we worry about our sub-specialty and then we worry about our jobs. It’s an endless list! The time when we were young was a special time when only effort was enough. They would give you a paper which you could color and it didn’t matter if you were inside the line or outside the line - whatever you did, you got an E. You just had to copy the A and you could be as crooked as you could get and they would put a star and give you an E for effort because as long as the student makes an effort, he/she is applauded.

However, when we grow old we create a false competition of As, Bs and Cs, income and test scores etc. amongst us. What we fail to realize is that when we deal with Allah swt the whole story is based on effort as there is no grading.

The IT people have trouble if an outside data set is brought to them because it is difficult for them to work on the interphase of two incompatible sets of data. But it is indeed amazing that Allah swt allows us to interact with Him even though we don’t share a single characteristic with Him e.g. Allah swt never slumbers and we need to sleep and other such characteristics that make us different and dependent on our Creator. But He still allows us to interphase with Himself through bowing down, prostration etc. and the only requirement for that is the state of wudu.

What is wudu? It is a mechanism through which we purify ourselves but the question is that are we really ever free of impurity? There is always impurity in our body: blood is impure and it is flowing in our bodies, even if we get rid of our waste, there’s always some stool and urine in our intestine and bladder. But we only make the effort of making wudu and doing istinja and Allah swt rewards us and allows us to communicate with Him through sujud, ruku`, talaawah, tawaf etc.

Prophet Ibrahim (Abraham) p.b.u.h. was commanded to sacrifice his son, Ismail. He brought his son to the altar and when he was about to sacrifice Ismail p.b.u.h, Allah placed an animal in place of him. Prophet Ibrahim p.b.u.h. was ready and willing to sacrifice his son but he did not have to. The challenge was to sacrifice his son but Allah swt uplifted the difficult circumstance from him and gave him and E for effort.

Another example is of them building the Ka’abah or the House of Allah. If you are going to build a house and the house is going to be for Allah that will last until the day of judgment, you are going to build something grand and elaborate. But in fact what did the father and son build? They just built a simple square box yet Allah swt accepted their effort in such a way that people clamor and cry to get there and once they are there, they forget whatever is happening in the world. And all of this was based on the effort of Prophet Ibrahim and Ismail p.b.u.h.

From day one of Islam we are taught that the reward is based on our intentions: 

From the Commander of the Faithful Abi Hafs ‘Umar Ibn Al Khattab, who said : I heard the Prophet of Allah (Allah bless him and grant him peace) say :

 

“Actions are but by intentions…”

This hadith requires that each person has to looks at him/herself and makes their own effort. To enter jannah there’s no criteria that you have to fit in 99^th percentile but if you are in the 97^th you won’t be able to enter it. It’s only in this world that we get gauged like this but not in the hereafter. If I spend 70 years of worship then I should only get 70 years in jannah but that is not the case because Allah swt says:

وَالَّذِيۡنَ اٰمَنُوۡا وَعَمِلُوا الصّٰلِحٰتِ سَنُدۡخِلُهُمۡ جَنّٰتٍ تَجۡرِىۡ مِنۡ تَحۡتِهَا الۡاَنۡهٰرُ خٰلِدِيۡنَ فِيۡهَاۤ اَبَدًا‌ ؕ

“And as for those who believe and do good works, We shall make them enter Gardens underneath which rivers flow - to dwell therein forever” Quran 4;57

Likewise, the Prophet saws also dealt with his companions in a similar way. He was willing to accept their smallest deeds because he realized their efforts. He told them that one date as sadaqah would be equal to the value of Mount Uhad in gold and when a person who gave one date when they had two or at time when only one, Allah swt accepted their effort and rewarded them with an immense reward.

So what do we learn from all these examples:  

Everyone has to make an effort and we have to understand that our effort will be different than someone else’s effort.  Pleasing Allah is so easy that even if we try to color and miss the page, we will still get the reward. 

The Prophet (S AW.) said: ” Whoever says La ilaha illah Allaah (sincerely) will enter Paradise.” (Reported by Bazzar and declared authentic by Al-Albani in Sahih AI-Jami) 

Hence, it all depends on our individual effort and we should never despair of Allah swt’s mercy. All we have to do is to register for the class and Allah swt counts us amongst those who graduate. But we should make whatever little effort we can to improve ourselves no matter which stage of personal development we all are at.  If it means that you don’t pray, just be conscious of one of those prayers. If it means improving your wudu, then invest some time in correcting it and several such actions that require our attention. 

"Take one step towards me, I will take ten steps towards you. Walk towards me, I will run towards you." [Hadith Qudsi] 

We just have to turn our faces towards Allah and He will give His attention to us. Especially during these blessed days before Ramadan we should sit and reflect that “What can I do in my life?” “What’s the next step that I can take?” 

Just as we expect Allah swt to accept our efforts, we should accept other people’s efforts as well as long as they are sincere. 

Prophet saws was very accepting of his companions. Anas r.a. was the servant of Rasulallah saws for 10 years since he was a child. According to him, the Prophet saws never said to him that why didn’t he something this way or the other although the task of Anas r.a. was assisting the messenger of Allah whose job was to uplift the whole humanity and establish the religion of Allah. If I was serving a person of such a status, I would be constantly making mistakes even though I am adult but Anas r.a. was a child and still the Prophet saws never complained! 

If we accept that Allah will accept our efforts, as long as others have sincerity we should even accept their efforts. In today’s world the fundamental disagreement between parents and children is that either the child did not accept the effort of parents and wanted perfect parents or the parents did not accept the efforts of their children. The same is the case with spouses. When we start having demands then everything falls apart. We forget to think that “Allah is accepting me despite my deficiencies, then why should I not accept others?

Unfortunately we get caught up with our ego and say “I’m fine!” or “Why doesn’t X, Y or Z doesn’t do things like I want to?" It’s Shaytan (satan) that gets us caught into human beings and leads us to complain again and again, “How come this is not perfect?” when in fact we should focus on Allah and ourselves and say, “I am imperfect,” “I am imperfect,” “I am imperfect.”

Rather we should take our ability of making 100 critiques and critique ourselves instead of criticizing others.If we critique this and criticize that, we will only end up making ourselves and those around us bitter. By being judgmental and not accepting of others deficiencies, we create more anger and frustration around ourselves that cause neither us nor others to be happy.

Hence we should make use of these days before Ramadan and make an effort to draw near to our Creator and try hard to accept others’ efforts. Indeed, getting eternal success is sooooooooo simple only if we have the sincere desire to move closer to Allah swt!
“Whoever says La ilaha illah Allah will enter Paradise.”

Most of the article has been transcribed from Shaykh Husain Abdul Sattar's talk called "An E for Effort."